Butterflies come in unexpected moments. After they capture your fascination, they go away to flap their wings on others. You may not see the same butterflies again but they are just out there. They may be far from your sight but they are way too close to your heart.

Such stunning creatures never fail to remind me of Ellen. When I asked her why she is mesmerized with them, she explained that when her initials, E.B., is written the cursive way, it forms the figure of a butterfly.

I first met her during our P.E. class. She had a high-pitched voice that I didn’t like much. It was a month later when I came to know that she was not just a jolly person with shiny black hair who liked to talk much. She turned out to be among the smart ones who always managed to stay on the upper portion of the dean’s list.

On how we became close friends, I can’t remember the details. But aside from having common friends, we became classmates in another subject. Then on our fourth year in the university, the circumstances led us to become group mates in our feasibility study. We then spent so much time together during overnight sessions as we worked on our project. Her apartment is on the second floor just above the market area. After our morning class, we buy fresh meat and vegetables or whatever we could cook for lunch then eat at her place. I visited her frequently, even recalling the time when I slept in her room so we could attend the dawn mass together during that month of December.

Just like me, she belongs to a big family. She has a strong faith and we both feel a sense of fulfillment when we serve the university parish as lectors. We share the same ideals and we both dreamt of building up a foundation when we both have the resources. Her generosity and thoughtfulness is beyond average. Her sense of humor would encompass self-declaration of beauty and giving overwhelming praises for herself, something she probably learned in order to protect her self-esteem from my pestering. We have taken things so lightly that in one instance when I broke into tears, she and the rest of our friends could not help but laugh at me.

When we graduated, we both left Baguio City and went to work in Makati. We were employed by two competing auditing firms. Despite our busy schedules, there remained communication between us. Whenever we find time, we had our videoke gathering or watched movie with the rest of our friends.

Then one day, something came up. Her brother suddenly died from an accident. I was alarmed. Some people say that when a loved one dies, a portion of you also dies. When the news reached her, she was in denial at first. She could not believe it. She even came to work in her office as if nothing happened. When she finally realized that it was real, she went home to her province in Quirino. She spoke in broken words when I called her. She was crying and it seemed like she had not slept for days. I could feel her pain as she narrates to me what happened. It had affected me deeply that I also found myself in tears.

She said she has so many plans for her family. She wished she was able to spend more time with them. She wished she had done the things that she wanted to do before it became too late. She told me to make the most of my time with my family because we never know what happens next. And she said if there is something I wanted to do, I have to do it now.

While things went back to normal, I still feel sad whenever I remember the distress that she went through. But she seemed to have an effective way of coping up. She still had the same energy level and the same smiling face whenever we meet.

I have loved her so much that I will always value not only the good memories but also special gifts she gave me during important occasions. For graduation, she gave me a beautiful angel figurine. On my 23rd birthday, she gave me a pair of green velvet shoes, the same lovely pair that I fit when we went to a nearby mall. On my 24th birthday, she gave me inspirational and self-help books. But on that same day, I found out that she will be leaving the country soon for a better opportunity abroad.

It has been two months since she left. She may be far from sight but I know she’s just out there. Like a butterfly.

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LEV January 2006